I'm So Much Stronger Than I Thought

Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! That was my alarm this morning waking me up.  (I decided to keep out the multiple times I slammed the snooze button down, though).  I always wake up on a weigh-in day so anxious and excited to see what the scale says... it's like Christmas morning! lol  Well, I did my usual- woke up, went to the bathroom, stripped naked, and jumped on the scale.  I stare at the wall as I am on the scale and wait a few seconds for it to balance correctly and then I slowly bend over to see what the number is! I was happy to see that I was down 4 pounds this week for a total loss of 37 lbs in 9 week! I wanted to hit 40 lbs but I'll take 37! I feel pretty darn good!  I've had people tell me how awesome I look everyday at work and I'm loving it!  One of my friends at work tells me that I look like I keep shrinking! I can't get enough of it! It makes me feel so empowered! Something a little weird happened at work.  Well not really weird, but let me explain.  I walked into the kitchen as a coworker was complaining to two other women that she is constantly gaining weight, etc and as I walked it she points at me and said "and here's Jen who looks awesome!" I was a bit taken back and just nervously laughed as a reaction.  The two other women said to me that I look awesome and asked what I was doing.  My response (the weird part) was "well, I had lapband. But I diet and exercise everyday".  I hate my response as soon as I said "well, I had lapband..." I felt like I was giving all of the credit to my band and totally underestimating myself for my hard work.  I couldn't even believe I belittled myself infront of people like that.  Thankfully, my coworker who was complaining about her weight backed me up and said "but it's hard and it takes a lot of hard work with the band. I have a friend who had it and I know it's hard."  I responded by saying "oh yeah, it's very hard.  If I wasn't so committed to weighing and measuring my food and working out I probably would have gained weight."  I felt like I somewhat redeemed myself after that but I don't want people to think that I look this good just because I got banded.  I work so damn hard every day with eating properly, working out, and emotionally dealing with my food addiction and I feel like I deserve most of the credit! Yes, 

 am proud of me!

I have the lapband, but no, it is not making the weight come off!  It was one of the first times I felt like I truly deserved credit for my hard work.  I realized right in that moment how strong I am being, despite these moments of weakness and struggle.  I am doing so damn amazing and I

Anyway, I am so happy that I put the FiberOne brownies in my basement, which I won't go in because I am petrified of basements!  I have noticed that I am very hungry a lot though even with my fill, so I am scheduled to go on Monday for another fill.  I'm having trying deciding whether I'm actually physically hungry or just head hungry.  It's such a difficult concept to understand.  Hopefully in time I'll be able to understand it better.  I've had food get stuck a lot since this past fill but it's all because I've had either too dry food or ate too fast. Very annoying and very painful also.  I guess it's a good way to get me back in check to eat slower and be more conscious about my food.  Well, cheers to this week and hopefully hitting 40lbs!

Oh, before I forget, besides MyFitnessPal (my username is ireallywannabthin) I also use an appcalled "Monitor Your Weight" (it's a picture of a little blue scale with 120 in yellow and a yellow and orange graph over it) and it's great to track your progress and see your results on a graph. My favorite feature: it tells you, based on your progress, the estimated date you'll reach your goal! AWESOME!!