Failure or Setback?

I can't believe it has been a little over a month since my last post! I guess that's a sign of what is going on with me right now.  Honestly, I've lost my momentum and my drive to keep going as hard and dedicated as I was.  It's weird though.. I'm still determined to get back on track and keep going and doing what it takes to get to my goal weight, yet I slowly find my old habits coming back.  This all started around April 12th.  It started with my boyfriend's sister's baby shower where I let myself have a piece of cake.. and then another.. which lead to the next day.. and the next day.. then the follow week which was my birthday (that I celebrated for 4 continuous days), etc, etc.. It's amazing to me that I as strong as I was at the time, my addiction was stronger.  Something inside of me because so insanely vulnerable and let the food control me.  Every craving was fulfilled without a thought! What the hell did I do to myself?! Luckily, in a weird way, I am within 3 pounds of my lowest weight. (That's the only positive because before my lapband, I would have been up probably 10-15 pounds easily).  Anyway, I'm here now, and making changes! I'm trying to ignore my cravings and get back to the way I was.  It's a struggle, and I'm not doing as perfect as I'd like, but I'm trying very hard and I'm trying to force myself back into the mindset I previously had.  I do think it's working thought.  I mean tonight, for example, I went out to eat with my Mom and nieces and I ordered a salad (with balsamic vinaigrette- not the best choice but I allowed it).  All around me were burgers, a gyro, and french fries galore! A few days ago, I would have had one if not more. Today, although I admittedly thought about having one, I resisted! It felt damn good too!  Something that simple is enough reassurance that I still have the fire in me and although the flame has dimmed, I'm going to start feeding that baby into a roaring forest fire!!!  

In other news, I have been promoted, after four years of working as a Teaching Assistant for children with Autism, to a Special Education Teacher! It's very excited that I am now making a lot more money, but it's hard work! I'm still not sure if I like it, but I've learned not to let fear hold me back.  

Also.... and this is VERYYYY exciting... Brian and I booked our first real big vacation.  We are going to the beautiful Sedona, Arizona on June 30th for 8 days! I can NOT wait!!  We will be there for our 2 1/2 year anniversary (July 1) so there is a lot of meaning behind this vacation.  When we first began talking and getting to know one another back in 2010, he was telling me about his amazingly spiritual and breath taking vacation he took to Sedona way back when.  He intrigued me so much and we made plans to one day go here (when we hit our goal weight).  Well, here we are, 2 1/2 years later, madly in love and going to the place that set the tone for our relationship.  Although we are not at our goal weight yet, the meaning behind it and the significance this place has already (even without having been there together yet) is incredible!  So, this vacation is another whip in the chain to get my but in gear!

Okay, random thought, but has anyone tried QuestBars? OMG! If not, you should.  Most bars have 4 net carbs and 20 grams of protein! They are amazing.. my favorite?! Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough! OMG, to die for! Not sure if they're helping my weight loss though.. I'm still playing around with that part.  If you have used them, please let me know!!
 

I've learned not to let my struggles define my success.  I know I'm going on vacation, and I know that although I'm having a difficult time I am stronger that I think and believe I am sometimes.  I can either let this struggle become a setback... or I can let it become a failure.  My father told me today when I told him about how I'm feeling not to let my cravings, food, and food addiction conquer me... I need to conquer IT!  And ya know what?! I WILL!