Keeping it a Secret?

So, something happened today at work that made me feel a lot of emotions.  It's not a secret that I got my wisdom tetth removed this past weekend, however, I am picking and chosing who I tell that I am getting the LapBand surgery to right now.  Well, one of my coworkers asked me if I was allowed to eat solids.... totally forgetting that I got my wisdom teeth removed- which she knew about- I just answered, "well, yeah, but I didn't get it yet" (referring to the lapband).  I walked away a bit confused and mad that she knew about the surgery and I wasn't the one who told her.  (My head teacher is best friends with her so I knew that not only did she know, even before this incident, but that my head teacher told her). So, I went back into class and asked her directly, "did you tell ___ about my surgery?" She said, "well, I think pretty much everyone knows at this point"  I said, "from who?" she said, "from 'insert both bosses names'" so I just sighed and walked out.  It was so obvious to me that not only did she tell them, but she was flat out denying it.  So I went to get something and ran back into the girl that originally said something to me and asked her how she knew... she played dumb like she didn't want to say anything and then I said my head teacher's name and she said yeah.  I just asked her if she could keep it quiet because I don't want to tell too many people about it.  She said yeah although I'm sure she (who gossips) with everyone already told plenty of people. 

 

So, I texted my boyfriend about it, kind of to vent about it and get rid of the anger, and he asked me why I was so mad and that it shouldn't be a secret and I shouldn't be embarassed... I should be proud.  And although I do agree with him, I disagree for many reasons.  Firstly, I'm more mad that someone went behind my back and told something that I confided in them and trusted them not to saying anything when I asked them not to.  Secondly, I have every right to feel how I do because this is a very personal experience I will be going through and I am allowed to pick and chose who I want to tell.  If I wanted them knowing, I would tell them myself, right? Also, yes, I am honestly slightly embarassed about it.  Not so much that I have to get surgery to help me lose weight, but how people view that.  I don't think weight loss surgery of any kind is fully respected or looked at as a wonderful thing for people who suffer from obestiy to get; I feel that society still views obesity as a lazy and overeating matter rather than a disease.  Although, yes, many (including myself) do overeat, have poor eating habits, and are lazy.  However, there is a strong mental factor that plays into this addiction (because yes, this is an addiction).  I think that if you've never had an eating problem or been overweight, you don't understand the severity of how much it effects your life or your self-esteem.

 

I have no problem telling people after my surgery, but right now, I do want to keep it more private.  You want to know why? I've always been the girl that has progressively gotten bigger and bigger and then lost weight and looked great! People noticed it, approached me about it, and even came to me for diet and exercise tips! That never lasted long and I always gained the weight back.  Although I do feel some security with the LapBand (actually, a decent amount), how do I know I won't fail? There have been many stories of people failing... how do I know I won't be one of those? I don't want to be looked at as the girl who got LapBand surgery and still can't lose weight. That's a huge fear- failing with the LapBand....  I want nothing more than to succeed. 

 

Ugh, okay, I guess that's my rant for today. Just wanted to vent and explain myself....