Don't Fight It...Embrace It

I can't stand hungry days.. ya know, the days where your hunger is never satisfied and you have

cravings galore?! Yeah, that's today.. and of course it's a snow day so I've been stuck home all day thinking about how hungry I am and how I would love to eat endless amounts of brownies and ice cream and candy... sigh... lol  I found myself binging on my new found love.. Atkins snacks.  Bad idea having them in the house. I bought the Nutty Brownie Bars and Chocolate Candies (knockoff M&M's) last night at Walmart anddddd, well, they're all gone :(  Needless to say, I've had a grumbling stomach all day and have been very intimate with the toilet as well... I guess that's what happens when you binge on Sugar Alcohol-filled foods!  On top of that, I stopped my birth control pills (to see how it affects my moods) so this is my first month without them and now that I am due for Aunt Flo I'm like a wild woman with cravings!  Of course Valentine's Day would be tomorrow- just in time the feed the beast.. aka my cravings!

Other than that I feel pretty happy that I am back on track.  Just like everyone else, I have great days and days I wish I ate a little less, but I've been watching the scale drop and I feel great!  I have been pretty good with exercising, too!  I alternate between the treadmill and Power 90 Strength Day just to keep it different.  It's amazing how it's truly a struggle every single day to get myself to exercise.  I honestly hate exercising, but I've been managing to push through it- woo hoo NSV!

As I've gotten back on track this past month I've realized how much I used to fight my band.  For months, I completely lost track of what I was supposed to do- eat small bites, chew endlessly, eat moist foods, don't eat bread.. I did none of that!  For months, I would PB during EVERY meal and I started hating my band.  My band became my enemy.  I couldn't eat bread without throwing up so I found ways to make it work.  If I was craving pizza, I'd eat something EXTREMELY fast without chewing in order for it to get stuck.. then I'd wait a few minutes with this painful food stuck in my band, slime building up in my mouth, literally walking around moaning in pain only to throw it up soon after.  What was the point you ask? Well, it stretched my band out so I could eat pizza after that.. and not just one slice.. three or four slices of pizza!  I went months hating this tool in my body.. this damn tube.. this stupid thing that held me back from "having fun" eating like a addict... but that's what it was.. it was my addition at work.  This past month has been so refreshing.  I've been loving eating healthy and NOT getting stuck. I've been loving having my lapband and loving the help it gives me.  Months ago I didn't see it as help but now I do.  I've learned to love my lapband and embrace it's help.  If I get stuck it means I'm not doing something right and I need to listed to those signals.  In the past month, I think I've PBed two times!!  What a difference from a few months ago!  I still have work to do but I am so proud of where I am now as compared to a few months ago.  :)

XOXO

Jennifer