1 Month Bandiversary and the Scale is Mean!

1 month?! ALREADY?! WOW! I still can't believe it!  I really feel like I was just talking about my interest in getting banded and here we are... 1 month post-op! It's nuts!  Well, let me start by saying I was rather discouraged from the second I woke up this morning.  The scale was UP 1 pound! :(  I am truly shocked and I felt my heart drop when I saw 287 on the scale.  Don't get me wrong, I completely understand that this is the time for healing and not weight loss... but honestly, I'm human... I'm obese and I got the band to get healthy and lose weight, so of course I am upset! I'm not going to sit here and act like it doesn't bother me.. HELLO?! I want to lose weight as fast as possible!! lol  However, on a positive note, I am very proud of who I am becoming and how far I have already come! I mean, I have been 100% committed to this new lifestyle for 1 month! No mess ups, no cheats- full on following directions (minus skipping a shake one day and having eggs instead).  I have incorporated exercising into my routine and now I come home from work and hop on the treadmill as I watch Ellen! I actually enjoy it a lot.  We also started a walkathon at work so we can fund-raise for our field trips so I'm really starting to move which is nice.. now if only the damn scale would do the same!!  I am going to attempt to stay off the scale until Monday morning (before my doctors appointment). 

So, yesterday I was talking to my sister and I told her that I think the scale finally budged 2 pounds! She was happy for me but began asking me questions and making comments like, "do you wish you had the sleeve so you would lose weight faster?" or "I'm shocked you're losing so slow"  or "I just feel like you could have done this on your own".  Ya know, I'm really sick of defending my decision to lose weight! I love my sister to death, and I understand her opinion about this entire surgery, but she has never had a weight problem (until now since she had children- although she's still skinny).  It just pisses me off SO damn much when people say stuff like that- "I think you could have done it on your own." REALLY?! Could I? Yes, maybe temporarily, but I was never able to maintain any weight loss! If I was able to do it on my own, would I have tried so many diets my entire life?! Weight loss camp, throwing up after I eat, diet pills, going to the gym, working out intensively and eating right, even trying out for the biggest loser?! Come on already!! No one.. and I mean NO ONE has any idea what it is like to live as a fat person.  The looks you get from people, the innocent comments that children make about you that you laugh off in front of people but go home and stand in the mirror and replay their comments in your head, waking up every day not wanting to leave your house, or laying in bed at night and feeling your heartbeat and praying that it is not overworked and will stop while you're asleep.  I'm so sick and tired of living like that... living my life based on my weight.  I'm sick of not being able to actually live and do the things I love or want to do! Amusement park? Nope, I can't fit on the rides.  Hiking? Well, that's a brutal workout and I feel like dying.  Going on an airplane? Well, as long as someone sits next to me so I can put the arm rest up so it doesn't dig into my hips.  Go to the beach with my friends or boyfriend? Ehhhh, yeah, I'll pass on that.  Hanging out at my pool with people other than my family? Sorry, I'm going to make other plans.  It's sick how controlling being fat is!  It's truly like being trapped!  

Ugh, anyway- I hope the scale finally catches up to me.  I even called my nutritionist and talked to her about it and she said it is common for people to lose 1 pound on week and then 4 the next- so hopefully that's what's going on with me.  I am going to start eating fiber bars so I can poop my weight away! haha (TMI-sorry).  Maybe I'll print out my MyFitnessPal logs (username: ireallywannabthin) and bring them in with me so the nutritionist can take a look. Maybe I'm eating too little? Too much? Ugh, I have no idea!!