Fill Me Up!

7 weeks already?! I can't even believe it!! It feels like yesterday that I was in the hospital with nerves and excitement waiting to get banded and seeing how my life would change. Now, here I am, 7 weeks and 34lbs later and not regretting anything (exactly how I knew I'd feel).  Yep, you heard right.. I lost 5.5lbs this week for a total of 34lbs! I am SO excited and proud that I hit and passed the 30lb mark!  It's something like this that helps me when I have a slow week for weight loss.  Last week, for example, I lost .5lbs or something very small and I was very disappointed, especially since I started Power90.  I did have this same experience a few weeks back and the same thing happened- my weight loss caught up to me the following week.  So as disappointed as I was last week, I had a feeling this week I'd lost a bit more... and I sure did!

Hello-Kitty themed party

I've had a few testy weekends- last weekend I went upstate with my boyfriend to visit his family.  If you read my previous posts about this, then you know that 'going upstate' usually means it's a food fest! Well, I managed to do great up there which was a huge NSV in itself!  This past weekend I celebrated my twin nieces 4th birthday! This was a day that I promised myself I'd allow myself a piece of cake. Well, turns out I had 2 cheese doodles, 2 crackers, and some pepperoni as my treats.  After having a healthy lunch (grilled chicken, mozzarella,and veggies- all from wraps that I didn't eat).  Then the cake came out (regular vanilla cake with fudge in the middle and butter cream on the outside as well as an ice cream cake).  Well, I went back and forth about the cake.. I just felt guilty! I'm not used to eating badly anymore so I really had a hard time deciding whether to eat the cake or not.  If I eat this, will I go back to my old habits of binging the rest of the day and continuing on until tomorrow?  Is it better to keep my healthy momentum going for longer before I treat myself?  Is the cake really worth it?  What will everyone at the party think of me if I have cake?  I had so many thoughts going through my head.  So I helped my sister hand out some cake.  I figured maybe helping her and having the cake in my hands would help me decided whether I truly wanted cake or not.  To make a long story short, I waited and waited and then I decided to have a tiny, almost see-through piece of cake and I felt okay with it!  My doctor told me early on that it's okay to indulge once in a while.. we're human and we can't deprive ourselves of everything.  It's a matter of getting right back on track and working these indulges into our food and workout routines that will allow for such a thing.  Brian asked me afterwards whether I regretted eating the cake or not (when I was contemplating eating it he said if I'm hesitating don't eat it) and I told him I don't regret it, but I wish I didn't eat the cheese doodles, pepperoni, and crackers ahead of time because I would have felt that it was more deserved.  But, all in all, I'm happy I stayed with my plan, and I lost this week, so I learned that it is okay to indulge once in a while.. it's all about moderation!

In other news, I've been feeling for a while that I'm able to eat more than the 3oz of protein and 3 oz of vegetables that I'm supposed to.  I also feel that I am hungry quite often though out the day and it's only because I am following my instructions that I have been successful thus far.  So, I went for my first fill this past Monday, 3/25/13.

Waiting for my fill..

So, all daylong, all I was thinking non-stop was this fill. Is this the right decision to make? Am I mixing up head hunger with physical hunger?  Is it going to hurt? Am I going to find out that my port flipped or something else is terribly wrong with my band?  I had no clue what to think or feel!  People are always scared of the unknown, and this was no different!  I've had terrible experiences with needles recently since I have terrible veins, so how was I to know that this wouldn't be any different?  Aside from being nervous I was excited to get my fill because in my heart, I did think that I needed the fill.  So,  I went in to my doctor's office, got weighed in and only lost 1.8lbs on their scale in 2 weeks- very slow.  I met with my nutritionist and she said based on what I can eat and my weight loss it's obvious I need a fill.  

Fill Day- notice the pen lines

Afterwards, I met with the NP and we got on with the fill.  She explained everything to me since this was my first fill.  I laid down on the table and she brought over the ultrasound machine to find the exact position of my port (even though you can feel it). She showed me my port and it was weird seeing it! I actually felt like I was going for a pregnancy ultrasound (I assume they're similar).  So after that, she held the ultrasound stick on my stomach as she marked with a pen around the machine so when she took the ultrasound stick off, she knew the area that was centered around my port.  After that, she numbed the area (I didn't expect it to be via needle, but it was).  She said it was like Novacane for your stomach. She said I'd feel a pinch and a burn (felt the pinches but not the burn).  So, 2 small pinches and I was slightly numb.  Then she warned me that I was going to feel pressure and that was from her fingers not the needle.  So, sure enough, I felt the pressure and then BOOM! I felt the needle going in. Now, let me say it wasn't painful.. it felt weird at first and it definitely make my heart race, but before I knew it, it was over!   She told me beforehand that I was able to get filled either .5cc or 1cc so I opted for the 1cc. 

Day After my Fill

The NP told me that there were no more needles in me, and I didn't really believe her because I still felt pressure, but when she moved her hands it was gone!  After the fill, I had to drink some water to make sure that the water went through my band the same way it did before hand.  After that, we went over my post-fill instructions (clear liquids the rest of the day, 2 days of protein shakes, 2 days of mushy/soft foods, then solids).  Some people have said they bruised after their fill, but I haven't had any bruising. I am able to see the marks from one Novacane needle and the fill needle (that one is much bigger) and I have been very sensitive in that area.  Overall, it wasn't a bad experience at all!

I've been trying to follow this full liquids diet since my fill and I'm having such a hard time emotionally! It's bringing me back to the 3 weeks after my surgery when I was on clear liquids and protein shakes and how all I wanted to do was eat.  I did have clear liquids the night of my fill and then yesterday (the day after) I had protein shakes all day... until night when I had 2 string cheeses.  It was 24 hours after my fill and I took smaller-than-normal bites and chewed extra good to ensure that it was practically mush.  I had no problems and it definitely helped my sanity and my hungry belly! I sure hope this fill helps me.  I'm so curious to know what my green zone is... I know there's not equation to figuring it out and no two people are the same, so I'm really a guessing game.  Hopefully it all falls into place sooner than later.  Until then, it's up to me to keep my eye on the prize!