4 Days PostOp

I can't believe I'm 4 days postop.... I can't even believe I am banded! I have to keep repeating this over and over... I have the LapBand.. I have the LapBand! I was talking to my boyfriend the other night about how I don't really think I have the band and that the doctors lied to me.  It's so weird to me.  I guess I didn't know what to expect, but I don't know if I expected this.  I don't feel the band, which I knew I wouldn't, but it's weird actually experiencing it.  The gas pains have been terrible! People weren't lying when they said it feels like a heart attack! It was difficult to even breathe!  Luckily, the days have been getting better and better! Gas pains have now subsided minus a few.  I have one gas pain or burp that tries to come up but I swear it gets stuck on my band and won't come up! That's annoying, but overall not bad!  I'm still on clear liquids.  I can NOT wait to actually get food!! I miss chewing.  At this rate, I'll take anything that involves chewing! I don't know if I'm hungry (although I think I am), but I've been using broth (chicken, beef, and vegetable) as my "meals" and after a while, I do actually forget about my hunger pains. My doctor requires 64oz of water a day, so I've been on top of that as much as I can.  I've been at around 60oz. not including broth, so I think I'm doing pretty good! I've also been having sugar-free ice pops which is a nice change from the liquids, but still not satisfying the food craving I'm having.  

I've been SUCH an emotional wreck! I've been crying over everything no matter if it's happy or sad!  I know it's because this was a huge change. I mean, I had my first surgery so between the pain and just being out of commission is a change.  I've been using the pain medications occasionally which I heard can make you emotional.  I am also coming to terms with these lifelong changes I will make and it is a bit scary.  I mean, I have the band..  there's not turning back now!  Also, I'm mourning the loss of food and my old lifestyle.  Being a food addict is all I've ever known.  When I've felt this way in the past, I would turn to food.  Now, I am dealing with all sorts of emotions and I don't have food to turn to as my comfort. I have found not only this website and LapBandTalk to be my venting places, but I've been much more open about my feelings with my mom, sister, and boyfriend.  I've had some deep, serious, and extremely emotional talks with all of them and it was actually quite nice.  Life is starting to get quite scary for me now.  What is life going to be like as I continue to lose weight or as I use food less and less as a crutch? What will be my new crutch? Will I even like life then? What will it be like to move easier? How are people going to treat me?  There are just a lot of questions that I don't know the answers to yet.  Only time will tell..