I'm Just Doing It

T minus 3 days until I'm able to eat soft foods... thank goodness!! I am so hungry and my head is playing such mind tricks on me! Last night I slept by Brian's house and we were starting to go to sleep and I asked Brian what he was thinking about at that very moment.  He then asked me what I was thinking about and I started laughed... I said I was dreaming about food! I don't remember if it was a burger or what, but I've been having endless dreams about food!! Then a few minutes later he started talking to me and I told him to stop talking because I just started a damn good dream about bacon or something like that! LOL  I am so consumed with food right now and I know it's only because I drink everything right now! The good thing is that I think this phase will be the hardest.  I mean, I know that all of the phases have their ups and downs, but to go from eating everything and anything straight to clear liquids and then two more weeks of only protein shakes- come on! It's so hard! At least when I have food I won't feel as deprived; I'll at least be eating something substantial.  I know it won't be what I would normally like to eat, but that's how preparation comes into play.  I have been online (mainly Pinterest) looking up recipes specifically for LapBand or bariatrics, or low carb.  But, then again, any recipe can be modified one way or another! What I'm most excited for is cauliflower (weird, I know), but did you know that you can use that as a substitution for so many things? Okay, I can make cauliflower pizza... not cauliflower topped pizza, but cauliflower crust pizza! Seriously, go look on Pinterest because it looks incredible! In fact, Brian's father made it (thanks to my recommendation, lol) and they all loved it! It's low carb and hits the pizza spot if you're a pizza addict like me!  Also, you can turn cauliflower into rice just by grating it on a cheese crater! Look at my Pinterest page and look at my lapband board!  

So, in other news, I started walking on the treadmill! I couldn't stand that the scale wasn't moving so I said what the hell and went on it! I'm happy I did, I feel really good!  So, I went on twice since Wednesday and I walked a little over 1.5 miles! It feels good and I do see the scale moving.  Aside from making the scale move, I want to start incoporating exercise into my routine.  Eating light and laying in bed isn't how I envisioned my lapband journey.  I want to be more active and I want to make activities something I enjoy! How else to enjoy them other than practicing them?! And the more practice, the more I can do and the more I can push my limits! :)  

Ya know, the other night Brian and I were talking and he told me how proud he was of me. It felt really good because I knew how much he meant it.. I felt it in his words.  He said he felt like he was always trying to teach me how to stay strong and 'just do it' which is so true! I can diet and exercise but I have a problem with the mental aspect.  I lost motivation very easily, I give up easily, I get frustrated if I can't do something and then I stop, and I am my own demon.  He said he's so proud because I am doing it and I am staying strong mentally.. like I understand what it takes to get to where I want and I'm doing it.  One thing he said to me one day that has stuck with me was not really that I'm fighting a demon in my head... more like I'm holding on to child Jennifer who can't grow up because she's scared and doesn't know how. He told me that I have to hold her had and me (adult Jennifer) had to guide her and show her how to grow up and not to be scared and show her what it takes to reach my goals.  It's true... being overweight is all I've ever know- it's my safety net... my comfort zone.  The way he put it made total sense.. it's time to let go of my comfort zone and show child Jennifer that it's ok to grow up and do things that push my limits, that hurt, that are hard and you know what? I'M DOING IT!  When Brian and I were talking the other night we were talking about how we always used to to talk about having to start a diet and exercise routine and he pointed out that I'm doing what I've always said I wanted to do! I never thought about that! He pointed out that I'm just living life now without the guilt of I should be doing this or I shouldn't eat that and it's true.  I don't feel guilty about anything I'm doing right now! I feel so damn good!  I'm no longer trying to lose weight... I am losing weight!