Close Call

What a close call I had yesterday! I'm one day away from my phase change appointment at my doctor and yesterday my boyfriend was celebrating his birthday with his family. Well, they all had tacos (which I've been craving enough though I normally don't care for them) and I decided to stay in his room while they cooked and ate.  Well, I was in his room, crying because I really am hungry right now on these damn shakes and I know I am sooo close to having that food! After they were done, Brian came running into his room to come cuddle with me.  I was telling him how hungry I am and I'm so close to eating! He kept trying to tell me not to and I was so close to the finish line and it would be dumb to break it now.  I told him that the only reason why I'm not on food yet is because my doctor didn't have an earlier appointment...  Fast forward to later in the night when they had his birthday cake (which I was in his room for, minus the singing of course), Brian asked me what I was going to do (at this point it was either a shake or eggs... I was SO torn, I had no idea what to do.  Then I decided- I was going to have eggs! OMG, the thought of eggs with some sauteed mushrooms and onions in it, topped with some pepper and a side of ketchup was enough to make me salivate like a dog! lol  But something didn't feel right to me.. I felt so guilty! Was I just saying I would have had food by now if there was an earlier appointment just as an excuse? Did I really want to eat eggs now? How will I feel after I eat the eggs? Will it get stuck? How often do I take a bite? If I break now, is this going to be a trend? I had so many questions and so much fear and guilt in me that I said F-U to the eggs and had my shake! YAY NSV!  I have to say, I am so proud that I didn't break and I know I am going to stick out the next day strongly!  I was the closest I've even been so far to breaking, but I managed to pull all of my strength together and I did it! I feel damn good, too!